Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
