I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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