I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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