Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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