when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
