All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
smell my finger.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
