i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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