Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We left an ass print on the piano.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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