You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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