im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
