I just found puke in my bra..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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