not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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