chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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