The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize