ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
