I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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