My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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