The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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