turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
