Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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