guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
