is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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