Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
