Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
