i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
