omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
