Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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