hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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