another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize