i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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