Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
