Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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