Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to sanitize my soul.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
