She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
