I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
