you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
