I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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