Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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