I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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