Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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