If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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