yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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