I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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