Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
