bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
