my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
