you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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