Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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