i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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