He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
