Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
