when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
