____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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