It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
