Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
