Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
