I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
