I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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