ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love accidental penises.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
