this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
