forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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