Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
