There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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