For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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