I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
