i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize