But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
