So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dick has a subreddit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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