it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
