if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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