He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
