i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
