I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
