Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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