Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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