How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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