She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
