woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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