Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
