im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Less talking, more tequila
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
