You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
