We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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