Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
