woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
