$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
