I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize