So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
